James85

Hi! I'm James. I've been a reader of this forum for a few months and thought I'd join to share my story and perhaps gain some insight.

I have a drinking problem, It hasn't gotten to the point where I've lost everything but if things don't stop I'm going to. I'm getting married this year and I have a 3 year old daughter and I haven't exactly been the best husband or father. I try, but it's hard to be there when ur hung over. I started off as a dope smoker and actually hated drinking. I still to this day enjoy a puff. I can leave it for weeks or months without even thinking about it and then one day I can have a toke and leave it for just as long. Unfortunatly alcohol and me have a different relationship. I've been drinking everyday for about 6 years and can easily drink a 24 to myself in a day and some. Work nights is usually about 10 beers but days off are brutal. I can got all day without but come 7pm it's all I can think about. I don't remember when this transition started, but one day I realized that booze was more important to me than anything. I can't have just 1 beer, I drink till I pass out. I've tried several different techniques and either way when I run outta booze all I can think about is where and how can I get another beer.

I've been in AA and did a great job. until my sponsor and my group found out I smoke marijuana. After that I was pretty much treated poorly and reemed out as if I was alittle child so I left. and started drinking again. Marijuana isn't ruining my life. But alcohol is...

I want help to quit drinking but it seems to be 100% sober or nothing.... I want support like i got in AA but I'm not searching for total soberity. However I want alcohol to be out of my life completely.I hate who I am when I drink, I hate how I feel, I hate what it does to my family. But I can't seem to say no it. I just did 20 days without alcohol and felt great, Our bills where getting caught up. THings were going well. Then one bad day at work, where i'd normally call my sponsor, boom I was at the beer store and i've been drinking everyday for 2 weeks since.

Is there any hope for someone like me?? I don't want to go on a soberity forum and preach the wonders of marijuana but it's not ruining my life and I believe it to be a wonderful thing. But it seems that because of my pro-marijuana stance I can't get any help. I hate alcohol, but it loves me. I just want some support to kick it and perhaps find someone who feels the same as me.

Thanks for your time,
James