Originally Posted by
ulverston 
thanks dee and bruno.
yes i have aa and a sponsor plus some friends who understand what my situ is .
but when i come home at night and shes not on the phone or with me...it kills me the lonliness i feel is awful...
now i know she has really washed her hands of me and i dont blame her,it's all my fault,and i loathe myself for it she put up with my crap for 14 yrs she must be a saint...
says somwhere in the big book that we alcoholics find the best women in the world...that was certainly true for me,
god i wish i could go back 13 yrs ago knowing what i know now..
but you know what?
we reap what we sow i only have me to blame
Well thats one way to look at it sure...but does blaming yourself really help?
It won't undo the past, it won't bring someone back - it might make you feel so despondent and sad that you start to think about drinking tho...
you know the old saying...if you love someone set them free?...I never got that when I was drinking, but I do now...
Ulv, I let two relationships go - I agonised for years about what I'd done and how much I missed both of them...but you know what?...it turned out ok for them...they found happiness - and if I really love someone thats all I can ask for.
I'm not a martyr tho LOL - I found peace and happiness and even love again too, in recovery - and I made damn sure that when I gave my heart again it was a good, full heart to give - not a heart that half belonged to addiction.
Give it time Ulv - I know it hurts now, but it won't always be like this...start picking up the pieces and doing what you have to to make you ok
D