I'm glad you dumped it, but I am writing this for those of us still saving it for a rainy day.
I stockpile because I don't trust that this time recovery is going to "take" and "work". So I want to be ready for when it doesn't work and I NEED something to get me through.
I want to KNOW recovery is going to be enough, before I let go of my old noncoping mechanisms.
Stupid..yes, because unless and until I am willing to face every single thing clean...inevitably I WILL turn to my stockpile and use.
Now, I will also tell you this..I know that many of the things I used in the past don't work...so they are off the table, but I am not sure that I have decided I won't just turn to some other substance or process.
It was never the substance or process that were really the problem they were SYMPTOMS of the problem. They caused problems themselves, but the real issue is and always has been my fear of facing life on my own.
Until I truly and fully address that, I will never be done with using.