Originally Posted by
Chakaido 
How do I establish meaning in my life? Until I do I'm not having anything to strive or live for.
I remember being at a point where I knew I needed to stop but the thought of having to deal with the realities of life sober was so scary that I kept putting off the actual quitting. When I finally did quit, it was because I had faith that the sober life was better. And it is. Much of my distress, lack of meaning and so on was directly caused by drinking and the set of beliefs I was holding on to.
I will just say that I don't wake up and wish I was still drinking but when I was drinking, I would wake up every day and wish I could quit. I'm grateful to the people here on SR for telling me how it really is so I could finally quit and begin to enjoy living again.
Birthdays are hard. I'm around the same age as you and felt as you do that something needs to change. It's good that you are continuing to post and ask for help. There were some posts here on SR that were a catalyst for my change. I suspect it can be the same for you.