I have felt like you do right now keepstrong. But if so much has changed in four years, couldn't so much change in the next four?
As they say, life is a journey, and there will be a day that you turn around and say "Hey, look where I am compared to before!" And it will be good things that have happened, rather than the difficult things you are working through right now.
Get those friends back, make new friends, look forward to what is waiting for you tomorrow and the the next day.
It does get better...I know that because I've been where you are ( just recently as a matter of fact) and I am a little better everyday.
Hang in there
(((Hugs)))