Lilalke,
You must try, try and try. You'll succeed at last. You can get this if you want it more than anything and do the necessary things to get it. You were certainly correct when you said it was your alcoholic mind telling you to "take a break from sobriety." There is no such thing and the your new recovering alcohlic mind knows this is true. Here's one of my silly non-AA recovery quotes for you:
Miyagi : [sighs] Daniel-san, must talk. Man walk on road. Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk down middle, sooner or later, get squished
[makes squish gesture]
Miyagi : just like grape. Same here. You karate do "yes," or karate do "no." You karate do "guess so,"
[makes squish gesture]
Miyagi : just like grape. Understand?
Miyagi, "The Karate Kid"
Jah Bless