I am an alcoholic. I have been sober + in AA for 20 years. It's basically free.
There is NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that ANYone could have said or done to get me to stop drinking BEFORE I was ready. I lost my home, my job and custody of my son - I continued to drink. When I was ready, I sought help.
This man KNOWS you/his family cares. That is ALL YOU CAN DO. YOU cannot fix him. YOU cannot save him. I'd have been thrilled if my family had given me 1/2 as much attention as what you're giving him. But I would not have stopped drinking because of it.
The ONLY person you can change is YOU. Period. Exclamation point. THAT is how you can best help him.
My husband is also an alcoholic. He struggles to maintain sobriety. AL-ANON is a wonderful thing. If you're not up to attending a meeting, check out some of their liturature from the library. "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drew was also a godsend and an eye-opener for me.
You CANNOT "love someone sober." For God's sake, start taking care of YOU. From personal experience I'll tell you : you WILL go insane if you don't.
Blue