Thanks everyone. I was insane and exhausted this morning. I called the DEA on that particular smoke shop. They said they'd look into it but didn't seem too concerned. So I put my hair up in a pigtail and under a hat, wore sunglasses and dark baggy clothes...wrote out a sign that says "bath salts kill." Then I proceeded to go to the smoke shop to tell them off. How they were selling illegal drugs that screwed up my husband and my teenager and I called the DEA and if you want to shoot me...go ahead...they know who I am and they have my back you mother.......I prayed for a split second to my higher power and she said NO...don't do it. Call someone in the program. So I called a fried and let out my rage and she told me not to do that and to go to a meeting...that I was exhibiting crazy behaivor. I am not crazy but I was behaving that way. She told me they would call the cops on me or shoot me. So I listened. I went to this 12 step club and hung out for two hours and then caught a meeting. I talked to this cool homeless guy in Alanon and this other young guy. I bought them a pizza. I feel better now. I used the tools of the program but it was very
difficult to turn away from my emotions and not act on them.
I am praying on clarity and what to do. I am going out to a meeting and karaoke afterwards. I can not help my spouse. I have done everything I could.
I have always felt guilty the very few times I have gotten angry. Like it was wrong...and I have always been the one to apologize. This alanon guy told me I didn't have to apologize. That it was ok to get angry especially when someone continually lies and disrespects me. Now I need to detach and move on. I keep hoping he gets the program but how long does one wait? I will pray and meditate...the answers hopefully will come....and soon. I keep saying I am done but I keep putting up and hoping. I must be insane. How long must I practice and tolerance?
I appreciate your support. I am completely sober and I acted totally insane. I am tired of the shocks. I do not want to be around him. I have to remember he is a liar but I so want things to be like they used to be. I know 14 days...if it is even that...isn't very long...I will watch his actions...not his words.
Sometimes I imagine myself in my own little apt. with a futon. I looked at some last week. It seemed so peaceful. I just don't know when to pull the plug. We have been married 8 years and I certainly have not been perfect but I never told huge lies...yes...some white lies and I never hid my drinking either. I am a recovering alanon and AA and my sobriety is the most important thing in my life and I can not live with this crazy stuff anymore. So why am I afraid to move on?