I suppose I can say my weakness is dilaudid. Going to the er to MAYBE get some, or to get some from work. I wish I could have it now. It's been well over one or two months since I've had it. How do I change how I think?! I haven't been working for a few months and starting this weekend I will be working with it again. I know I will use and I hate that. I don't want to lose my job if I get caught! I hate that this has even started.
I'm also addicted to prescription meds (yes they are legitimately written for me) but I can't get off of them. They cause so much horrible withdrawal.
I have smoked crack on a few occassions with a friend and I hate myself for falling deeper and deeper. I hate that I like how it feels. The good thing is that I'm not exposed to it except a few times a year, but if my friends are doing it, so am I.
Alcohol in any form has been a huge help to me. I think the common link is I want something to "remove" me from reality. I just lost a bunch of people in my family (died) and I can't deal with it. I'm trying to ignore it. I never thought I'd do this to myself, but it's like I'm purposly killing myself! This is too much. I don't want to hit bottom and lose my family.