Angry
My recovering AH with 14 days clean fell down the steps Monday. I took him to the ER. Nothing broken...just sore. He demanded a lot of morphine. Then Tuesday at 3 pm. he started having intense chest pains. He has had two previous heart attacks so I knew if the 2nd nitro pill didn't stop the pain...to rush him back to the ER. They did multiple tests, and could not find anything. I told them in the ER that he was withdrawing from bath salts...legal meth and had been using a lot for ten months. So I spent two nights in the hospital. I ran up and down the stairs to buy him yogurt, sandwiches, drinks...etc. I fed him. I went back and forth to the house to get him clean clothes. I missed the dr. yesterday because I was running around for him. I was going to tell him about the withdrawals. Today he went in for heart cath surgery. I have been so afraid he was going to die. I am totally strug out and exhausted. After the exploratory cath lab they sent him up to his room the back way and the surgeon met with me alone.
The surgeon asked me point blank...is your husband withdrawing from amphetamine type drugs? I said yes....did he not tell you? The dr. said no...you are the first to tell me but that is why he was having chest spasms. He did not have a heart attack his heart is fine.
I told my husband what the surgeon said and he told me to tell everyone that he had had a mild heart attack and not to mention the drugs. His friend from work called. This is the friend that my husband told me that he confessed to last week about his drug problem. I had moved into a hotel. When my husband told me he had been honest with his friend I believed him and came back home. He is in NA and working with a sponsor. However, when I talked to this friend at work he said Jon probably had the heart attack because I moved out and it caused him stres. I asked this friend did Jon tell you the reason I moved out? He said something about another woman? I said no...the 'other reason.' his friend said no Jon had not told him anything else. So my husband lied to me again just to get me home. I did not go on to tell the friend the real truth about his drug addiction. I called my sponsor and she told me never to lie to anyone about his drug use again. So I slipped. I did tell his sister the truth.
When I picked him up from the hospital I was angry and told him about my call to his friend at work. You didn't tell him, did you....he said. No, but you lied to me and told me you had told him and it was very awkward and I am sick of your lies and b.s. then he went on to tell me...oh go ahead....it is always a one way street...just push me down some more. I told him he was an ungrateful ass. That I have been running around all week thinking he was having a heart attack....sick to death with worry. I told him it was going to be my way or the highway which are his very words he used on my addict son 4 months ago. He said fine, I'm leaving or just drop me somewhere. I took him home.
I am grateful that he has 14 days clean....I am upset that he continues to lie and b.s. me. I am grateful he did not have a heart attack but angry that he didn't go to detox which would have cost us nothing. Now we have a huge hospital bill.
I know he has the disease of addiction but after a year of lies and b.s.I am freakin worn out! I will not lie for him again. I feel like calling his friend at work and telling him because he is wondering what I am talking about but that may put his job in jeopardy. But funny how I am getting blamed for the so called heart attack. *******.