Before I lost my career as an RN thanks to addiction, I had a lot of patients who downplayed their addiction/alcoholism. Unfortunately, unless the patient WANTED help? There wasn't much we or the doctors could do. Sure, if you came in with a high blood alcohol level, having seizures or something, we could treat that. However, if the patient said "oh, it was just a one time thing" we were not legally allowed to force treatment.
When I was just staring into addiction, I knew exactly what to say to my dr. to get what I needed. I still do. However, I choose recovery and my dr. knows all about my history.
I get why you're frustrated, but as long as your XAF downplays his alcoholism? There's not much a doctor, or anyone else can do. FWIW, my XABF died because smoking his crack pipe was more important than going to a dr. He had pneumonia. I DO know how you feel, I've been on both sides of the addiction fence, and I'm sorry for your pain.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy