Did I have a seizure or something?
Just before I woke up today, I was in a semi-conscious state. I felt anxious, and I didn't want to wake up just yet because I knew I'd just feel the anxiety, so I tried sleeping some more. I had drank about a fifth of vodka the night before.
Suddenly, my head started shaking uncontrollably for about 2-3 seconds. I opened my eyes, had a glance at my bedside table, and I saw the exact same vision of that table very vividly for about 10-15 seconds. I tried to move my eyes around, but I couldn't see anything but that table, no matter what I did. I thought I had lost my sight. This wasn't a dream. When my head started shaking, I was completely conscious. The first thing I did after that episode was to pour myself a drink, purely to reduce the risk of a(nother?) seizure. That's pretty bad.
I keep putting this off. I've said I'm done procrastinating, but this episode was scary. I don't know what I'm waiting for... I really, really have to go to the hospital before it's too late. Really. I've reduced my benzodiazepine consumption down to 6% in three weeks, from an average of about 8mg Klonopin / day that I have consumed in the last ~5 months. Terrified of how it will pan out, especially because I don't know how to make the doctor understand, but wish me luck. I've been suicidal, but I've realized now, I don't want to die. I want to get better. For the love of God, please.