Drunk. Pill Popper.
I was doing so good.
The grass smelled so great this morning. Summer. Summer was in the air. Stormy New Mexico clouds approached. A day I would never dream to use on.
Cravings occurred. Not uncommon. These things happen. No big deal, right?
Right. Yeah, Right! I can do this. I am stronger than my own urges to make it all better. Not so much.
Everything is better with 60MG of DOC or a pint of your favorite 100 proof.
The crippling anxiety in the morning? No problem! I've dealt with it my whole life. Might as well enjoy it. Right?
So much money wasted on things I tell myself that I don't really need.
When will I be happy without this ********?
WHEN?
I CANNOT enjoy things unless I have opiates or booze running thick through my veins. There is no NA here. The church that used to run the local NA pretty much told me to **** off when I asked them if they still had it.
The local AA is here. But this is a small town full of drunks (kinda like me!) who don't care much for white guys with pill problems.
UG. Large ug. Huge ug.
I really am at a loss here. I need guidance. Not just someone telling me it will get better. I know it CAN get better...erg.
