Hello DesMrlnd,
Welcome to Sober Recovery. You have come to the right place to get help for you.
There are lots of sticky posts to read and learn, and also many caring people here.
Do not worry about whether he labels himself an alcoholic or not, if his drinking is causing you heartache, then he at least has a serious drinking problem.
I guess what I'm really looking for is how do I decide when enough is enough, I don't know if I'm strong enough to go through this again.
I decided enough was enough when he continued to lie, disappear for days, spend his entire paycheck in one weekend and then come back crying like a baby waiting for his "mommy" (me) to fix it. I had two children to care for, and he was NOT a child. I no longer had a partner in marriage, I had a crackhead who cared about nothing except his next high. (I am in recovery for alcohol myself).
How do you deal with an alcoholic who doesn't admit that he's an alcoholic, and how can you be supportive during a relapse when they won't admit that there is anything wrong.
Speaking as an alcoholic, he is in denial. You would be much better served by taking care of yourself. Please go to AlAnon and get the support you need to deal with an active alcoholic. Try a few different meetings to find the right fit.
Please hang around awhile, read some of the posts here. You are among friends.
Beth