Relapsing Husband
I've been married to my husband for about a year and a half, we met and got married very quickly, and I didn't realize until after we were married that he was an alcoholic. He'll never admit that he is an alcoholic, and adamant refuses to go to any kind of program. He gets very defensive if I mention that I think he may be an alcoholic. As he says, he doesn't feel like he "needs" alcohol, he just likes to "have a few beers every now and then." But from my elxperience, he can never just have 1 or 2.
He quit drinking for a few months last year, then after a few months it was, "oh, I'll just drink on special occasions", then it was "oh, I'll only drink on the weekends", then he was back to drinking every day again. In November he went down to Peru to deal with some external issues that he has been dealing iwth for a very long time, his father dying when he was young, some very traumatic wartime experiences. When he came back he was a changed man, and he told me that he didn't want to drink any more. Then last month he went back to his home town for a week and drank. He assured me that it was just because he was on vacation, and hadn't seen his friends in such a long time. Now he wants to move back there.
I can see the cycle starting all over again, it started with special occasions, then it was because it was a weekend, and now he has drank every day for the past 4 days. His rational is that he's not drunk, he only had two beers, but for me I know that he's not sober. Last night he tried to talk to me after he'd had "two beers" and a told him in a very unemotional tone, I will not have a serious conversation with him when he' s been drinking, which did not go over well, he spent the remainder of the evening telling me that I wasn't being fair to him, he has his drinking under control, he can't making drinking taboo for himself. Each time I responded that we could talk about it tomorrow.
I guess what I'm really looking for is how do I decide when enough is enough, I don't know if I'm strong enough to go through this again. How do you deal with an alcoholic who doesn't admit that he's an alcoholic, and how can you be supportive during a relapse when they won't admit that there is anything wrong.
Thank you in advance for you kind workds and advice.