Need advice
Hi all. I need some advice and don't know where to get it. I've been with my AH 23 years. He's 56 and was able to retire at 45. He has no legitimate reason to live and be as miserable as he is. He is drunk every day and night. He has ongoing uncontrollable drunken rages every 3 months or so, all directed at me. He's been arrested once for domestic violence, and has had 2 DUI's. He will not and has not driven drunk since his 2nd DUI about 8 years ago. He has no friends, no social life and no interests. He will go on binges that last 2 - 3 weeks. Get drunk, scream, yell, break things, pass out, get up and do it all over again. Usually without eating anything during this time. He has NO self esteem and is convinced no one loves him. After this last binge in September, I believe he realizes that I've been pushed beyond my limit with the uncontrollable rages. I've learned to live with the daily drunkenness and although it makes for an uncomfortable home life, I'm quite happy when he's alseep. However, I seem to be getting to the point where the rages are not acceptable to me anymore. I know that sounds stupid. What healthy person would live like this? What is bothering me now is not thinking about how to get myself out of this situation, but is there anything I could do to try and help him. He gets very arguementative and thinks I am trying to control him when I offer suggestions for help. He seems to be deteriorating mentally. Twice within the last 2 weeks he has acted drunk when he hasn't been. Has said and done things he normally won't say or do unless he's drunk. He even had that 'drunk and disgusting' look on his face while sober. Now he is severly depressed and has intimated suicide twice within the last month (while drunk). Which he will deny when sober. He seems to be spiralling down and I am the only one that knows how bad this situation is. Last week he did make up his mind to go to AA, didn't go, and lasts nights rant was about how HE always has to be the one that changes, and he is just tired of trying to change his personality to please everyone else. Just another 'poor, poor me' rant. I am now looking at him not as a failure as a husband, but as another human being that really needs some help. He is truly miserable. I am a firm believer that forcing someone to do something isn't helpful, but then I remember that if your 2 year old is heading for the street, you don't stand by, watch and do nothing. I just don't know what direction to go in. Is it possible to help someone in this situation? There are some things I cannot do, such as have him carted off to the hospital to dry out. I would never hear the end of it, NEVER, and it's possible he would get violent. His family would be of no help. I guess I'm hoping to hear from someone that can give me some direction, I know that's asking for a lot. Thank you.