You need to want recovery more than anything you have ever wanted in your entire life to have a shot at obtaining it.
I always told myself that I wanted to quit but that I just loved the feeling of my DOC too much. What I didn't realize was that I thought I loved the feeling of my DOC so much because of how bad my w/d when I didn't have them. I had forgotten what feeling sober actually felt like because any time I had sober in the last 5 years had been pure hell.
You deserve to wake up in the morning and feel great. You deserve to start your day without worrying about getting your fix. Don't wait until you're facing jail time, rejection from all your doctors, or for an od to decide you need to stop.
I wish you the best, and remember you are not alone in this struggle,
*Adalie