Originally Posted by Pigtails

Hi Candie. My boyfriend knew I was going to AA but at first he didn't know how often. He doesn't like it and thinks it shouldn't be something that takes up much of my time, so at first I would go to meetings more often than I would tell him about. I would tell him I was going to work, which was true, but then I'd go to a meeting before or after. I felt stupid sneaking around about something that I knew was good for me, and I also felt guilty for not telling him but at the time I couldn't handle a lot of pressure and I knew if something gave me an excuse to not go to AA, I would give up on it and likely drink. I think I did what was right for me at the time and I understand what you're doing but I also don't think it can last long-- I mean, where does he think you're at when you're at meetings, don't you think he'll eventually get curious? And honesty is the basis of a relationship and as Sapling said AA.

I should add that the way my boyfriend found out I was "secretly" going to AA meetings is that my battery died outside an AA meeting!! He had to come give me a jump. He was mad that I had been dishonest with him, and I had to agree he was right-- I should have told him. Now I am stronger in my sobriety and myself, and I do what I need to do to stay sober, and go to as many meetings as I want, and if he doesn't like it, too bad. It feels good to be honest too (although I still struggle with "secrecy" because I don't tell my friends or most people in my life I go to AA, so there are times when I feel I'm living a double life, or making up excuses to go do things when really I'm going to AA, etc. I am just not at the point to be open about my AA membership with most people.)

Best wishes. Do what's right for you and if the relationship is meant to last, it will. If not, there are better things waiting for you. It's not good for him to be jealous of your ex or possessive for no reason (I'm assuming there's no reason). So this might turn out to be for the best anyway. Stay sober!!!