behindblueyes

I have been reading this page for years. I actually got out of bed to type this due to massive panic attacks and the "doom" feeling. I quit drinking and joined AA in my town after a major accident. I was walking home while intoxicated. I decided to leave my car at the bar to avoid a DUI. I was getting off the road while walking because an ambulance was coming down the street during a snow storm Feb 12th. I was off the sidewalks since they were solid ice and the roads were salted here in PA.

The medics claim I slipped and fell on the road. I sat up to get up and was hit by an suv coming the other direction. I remember none of this. I was thrown 10 feet into the air, lifeflighted, and to this day the driver still hasn't been found after he fled and left me there to basically die.

I am alive. I swore off drinking after that incident. Believe it or not, I have been told it was an off duty cop that hit me. That triggered my relapse after 3 weeks and fighting the local police in my area. I have been called a loser, a nobody, plus the tape from the ambulance that records everything magically "disappeared" from the dashboard.

I refuse to let this bring me down. I have to quit. I can't take the daily life of being drunk. I have benzos on hand but I know you shouldn't mix them with alcohol. I have a third degree concussion from the accident and post concussion syndrome plus seizures and PTSD. I should not be drinking. I limit myself to one an hour. I am still having panic even on that. I can't call for an ambulance to detox because that same company is the company that destroyed the tape, plus my local police will show up. Thoughts? Thank you for reading.