Originally Posted by
IAmAbstinent 
I had been having alot of recent beast activity in hindsight going so far as planning another drugging session and searching online for a potential purchase.
The thoughts of another drugging session may have been Beast activity, but searching online for a potential drug purchase was not. That was IamAbstinent activity. The Beast can't move a mouse, type at a keyboard, or use Google.
When I stopped, only to start up again, I had approached it with the idea that if things didn't get better,
and quickly, back to the bottle I would go. The bargain thinking had to go. When you made your Big Plan, was it an experiment,
to see how it goes? Did you cut a deal with the Beast?