Thank you all for your kind words, and not making me feel like a freak. I want to respond to a couple questions.
Yes, I am working the steps, not just attending the meetings. I speak in meetings. I meet with my sponsor regularly. I call the phone numbers on the list, even though it is SOOOO hard to do. I go to meetings even when I don't feel like going. I'm still on step one, but that has been a doozy for me. But, I don't want to just power thru the steps. I want to really mean them. I want them to become my truth. So, I keep wrestling with my brain and my heart and my emotions....but I'm confident I will get to step two.
OMG stepping. I lol to the little screaming guy. That is EXACTLY where I am some days. And it's true, neither of us are all alone.
Dee, I am still trying to "get" the whole, stop compairing my experience to others. Look for the similarities and not the differences. That should be a 13th step, I think because it is freaking HARD!
I'm hanging in there, and just trying to be with myself and my craziness right now. This too shall pass. Someday.