illbewaiting

It goes deeper than that really.
Both of my biological parents were addicts/alcoholics.
My "bio-dad" died when I was a wee one, so I never really knew him, but I heard plenty of good and bad about him as a child.
The man I know as my father,raised me,has been in my life for 20+ years, was also an addict/alcoholic. Still is an alcoholic really, but at least learned some form of moderation and doesn't become "the monster" anymore.
And, between my mother and my "adoptive" dad, there are four of us kids.
We all have battled addiction. My sister and I are the only ones who came out of it clean. One of my brothers passed away last year from a drug overdose, and the other is in active addiction.
At one point I tried to use my brother's over dose as a ploy to get my fiance to stop, telling him I couldn't handle another loss, and I couldn't imagine having to have the same talk with our son that I'm sure my mother had with me when I was a child.
Very pathetic, but I was broken and desperate immediately after his death. I even called my living brother(who I had been no contact with for months at that point) and pleaded with him to stop also. He had been with our brother the night before, and I was concerned he wouldn't be too far behind.
So, you see.. That's my life. I was born into addiction.
I did not know when I met my fiance that he was an active addict.
He hid it well(as we/they do) and I guess a small part of me did know, but preferred not to see it until it slapped me in the face.
I just get overwhelmed sometimes with the triggers, because I get blind sided by them when I least expect it.