I was, most definitely, addicted to XABF#1. I walked on eggshells, never knowing when he was going to have one drink too many and turn from nice guy to jacka$$. I was totally convinced I could not live without him...tried to half-a$$ kill myself 3 or more times when he mentioned breaking up.
I chose to spend time with him, rather than family (though I did see mom and dad some), and when my mom died, bf couldn't make the funeral because he was so "distraught" and had gotten drunk the day before, with one of his other gf's (which I accepted because if I didn't, I would LOSE him!) and was hungover.
I once begged him to beat the hell out of me, because I'd get over that faster than the words and actions I got.
I turned to drugs as a way to numb the pain, but still couldn't imagine life without him.
Today? He's married to one of the gf's (we have mutual friends) and when I mentioned to my friend that I always felt I could "fix" him, she laughed and said "trust me, he's STILL not fixed".
I spent over 20 years with him, became a raging codie, addict, and finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired and found recovery. He and the other two XABF's taught me what I DON'T want...someone who I feel completes me. I thought I was nothing without them.
Today, I can't even see what I saw in him. I know he couldn't handle the person I am today
but I may never see him again. If I do, I will apologize for MY part in our dysfunctional relationship and wish him well. I really do pity the woman he's married to...she's more of a doormat than I ever was, but them and their relationship is NMP (not my problem).
Hugs and prayers,
Amy