Jazzman

Yes. Twice! What would you like to know?

My state has guidelines for property settlement and custody/support. Most guidelines are negotiable but not child support payments. In a equitable distribution state I am entitled to what I am entitled to by the law, not what I think I deserve.

Divorce #2, I bought my home prior to the marriage so a portion of the loans principal was paid for with my money and a portion was paid for with "marital" money, (from the date were were married). That percentage is calculated and applied to equity earned. Of the % of marital equity I was entitled to half, but entitled to all the non marital share.

Who screwed up in the marriage and why, a judge doesn't really care about. They have heard it all before day in and day out Ad nauseam. Who pays for the appraisal of the home to determine that value, who buys out the others interest in the property is all stuff a judge will expect both parties would have settled before ever seeing them in court. I didn't even go to court on #2, my lawyer did.

Divorce isn't about fair or justice. It's a complication required to legally divide a domestic relationship governed by the laws of the state you live (get divorced) in. And the system treats it just as sterile.

Good luck and keep the kids best interest in mind, even of you're the only one taking the high road, it will pay off in spades down the road. And there is a life after divorce, it's a good life too.