Unfortunately, I'm not able to attend meetings at this time. I went to an al-anon meeting when I was a teen because I am the child of alcoholics, and they thought it would be good for me to attend. I never went back.
I did start attending video meetings online when I could, but they are at such odd hours most days that it's nearly impossible for me to catch them now between school hours,home work, and caring for my son.. And then there are the nights when they are between 9pm and 12am when I really can't do it because I'm usually in bed by then. The last time I checked into that site they were only hosting one meeting per group too, and NA is typically mid-day or late night when,like I said, I am in class or out like a light.
I know this is going to take a lot of work on my part to learn to "let go" of these triggers. And I absolutely know that he is going to use no matter what if that's what he chooses to do. We got into a bit of a discussion about it a week or so ago, I don't even remember what brought it up but I told him point blank that I KNOW he will use if he wants to despite anyone or anything, including me and our son. I know the hold the drug has over him, I've been there, just with a different DOC.
I guess I'm just stressing because I am tired of the back and forth. I'll be doing EXCELLENT for a week or two at a time, and then one miniscule little trigger will set me off, and it pisses me off because I don't have my own triggers anymore. There was a point where I couldn't even stand to see powdered sugar! And now, someone else's phone ringing gets me all whacked out after 6+ years of my own sobriety, thinking he's going to run out the door right then and there and go meet his dealer.
I KNOW it's foolish of me. I know I've got to stop letting this druggie baggage alter my state of mind, because it is his problem to overcome. I have tried to help him, and in the process I have learned it's not my job to do so and there isn't anything I can do to "help" other than being there if he needs someone to talk to. I cannot "fix" him, I cannot make him stop.
I KNOW ALL OF THIS.. and yet I feel like a complete head case once in a while.
I guess all I can do is have faith but to be realistic about it, and focus on what is really important in my life:my son,my education, and our well being above all else.
Thank you all for your advice, I do appreciate it.