I understand the desire to be understood and forgiven. Unfortunately, we have no control over another person. We cannot make them understand. We cannot make them forgive. But we can work hard at understanding ourselves and our own motivations and making changes as more is revealed.
And most importantly......we can forgive ourselves.
Understanding and forgiveness relieves us of a burden that will weigh us down in all aspects of life. If I didn't find relief, I certainly wouldn't continue to go to meetings, read, or post here on SR. Not everyone understands this......and there may be nothing we can say to them to make them understand. That is their journey. I need to give my own journey my full attention.
I'm glad to hear that you are planning on getting into some meetings. There is a lot of healing that can happen in those rooms if a person is tenacious enough to keep going back.
Take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke