Hi again Brune,
All I really want to say, is that what I experienced was that whether or not my X drank, he did get to the point of just being nasty. When I came to this forum it was because I drank, I wanted to stop, I was an alcoholic. I self medicated with alcohol when he got nasty to me.
Personality change, I've seen it. Was married for 27 years, only noticed the change of the face, the eyes, the neck, everything about him after we were married for about 15 years, always thought it was me.
So sometimes I need to say that alcohol may be a problem, but my biggest problem was the complete change in personality. After about 5 years of marriage I saw the change come whether he was drinking or not. I didn't really come to this section bc my X was an alcoholic, I knew he was, that wasn't the problem. His personality change was the problem.
At first it was when he drank, then it became when he didn't drink. It became whenever, whenever he felt like it.
A lot of times alcohol masks an underlying condition. Maybe in most cases. To me, alcohol is a symptom.
I am an alcoholic, I quit 8/2/2011. I self medicated myself thru out the marriage. Always thought it was me, tried to do everything that I could to change me. It wasn't me !!!!!!!!!!!!! I was just a codie (co dependent), looking for love in places that I will never find it or feel it.
I purposely will not talk about the "near beer", because I don't think that nastiness and drinking are really associated. Yes, sometimes, I might have said something I regreted, I apologized, and I do think that I felt more hurt than the person I offended.
But when you add nastiness with drinking, it's about the person it's coming from. They are not happy, so they are projecting this onto you. And yes, I am guilty of that. But I felt really bad about it. It was about me, when I did that, I wasn't feeling good about me. I got help.
It takes a lot to look at yourself, do you think that he can? If not, he will just get worse. Sometimes the bottle helps, you sit, and get depressed by yourself, without the bottle, you will take it out on your nearest and dearest. Take the bottle away all together, you will eventually explode, unless you seek help for that inner demon.