Oh Anna I am probably making it sound more extreme than what it is. What I mean is, I have always fulfulled the traditional "wifey" role in our relationship in terms of cooking him dinners and getting him things he wants when he asks, and no he has rarely done the same for me. And I haven't really cared, because at the height of my drinking I felt like such a horrible person who did not deserve him anyway, what did it matter if I had to take care of him the way I do? I thought I was lucky he just stayed with me. But now I'm beginning to suspect that maybe I'm not a horrible person who deserves to be ashamed and miserable everyday. Maybe I *do* have more to offer than that. So maybe you're right SoberinPA, maybe these recent outbursts are a way to keep me "in my place" but it's having the opposite effect and making me very mad, and more determined to get well so I can finally figure out what the heck is best for me. Maybe staying with him and trying to work it out, or being with no one at all, or finding someone who is kind, who enjoys life, who loves animals and wants to be peaceful and happy just as much as I do.