Brune

Hi all, I'm 26 and this is my first post.
I've been dating (and now own a house with) my boyfriend for 3 years. We've always had problems when we've tried drinking together, all the classic alcoholism indicators. I'm always the one to point out that it's an issue and dysfunctional. In the past my bf has said he will stop drinking and then starts up again a month or 2 later, and then he'll minimize the problems/fights that led to him to try to stop drinking in the first place. His personality changes when he starts drinking, he has lied and hidden his drinking by fake coughing in the bathroom where I can hear him popping a beer open, and he generally cannot stop once he starts. In the past, he's also tried to make me feel like his drinking isn't an issue, and that I'm just trying to control him (which I realize isn't true, since I've dated other men who drank w/o abusing and it was never a problem). He went to an AA meeting once after a really bad night for him, and hasn't been back.
He hasn't had a drink (that I know of) for about 3 months now. I've stopped drinking around him completely for the past 7 months, and pretty much in general except about once a month, when I'm out to dinner with my parents and I'll have a glass of wine. I've stopped bringing up and asking about his drinking, which has been good b/c I know its not a problem I can fix. The last time he drank was the last time we spoke about it (3 months ago), and I told him that it was his decision to choose to drink or not, but I couldn't be with him if he decided that he doesn't have a problem and wants to continue drinking. He said that our relationship was his priority, and that he's been trying and will stop drinking. The most frustrating part of all of this for me is that I feel like he's only quitting drinking for me and not himself (and I've read how that's never going to be a lasting commitment), and I feel like he'd lie about his drinking to keep us together, which I absolutely don't want. I love him dearly, we get on really well when there's no alcohol involved, but it's an understatement to say that hes abhorrent when he drinks.
Last week he started drinking non-alcoholic beer, which he's tried before to "replace" regular beer. I had never noticed if N/A's left the same smell on his breath as regular beer. I came home after he was asleep and got in bed with him, and that characteristic beer breath smell came wafting over the bed, but I don't remember N/A beer making his breath smell like that. I've read that N/A beer will leave the same smell, since it isn't the alcohol itself but something in the beer that causes it; has anyone here ever noticed if there is a difference? I'm so frustrated. I feel like I shouldn't ask him if he's drinking again, since A) all the al-anon websites say that you shouldn't be checking up on them like that and B) If he WAS drinking he'd probably lie because he knows its a deal breaker. But I don't want want to end up marrying and having kids with him, and then find out he's been lying about being sober just to keep me around. I just wish that he would come out and say "hey, I'm going to drink and you need to come to terms and make your own decision about it." Any advice? Has anyone ever noticed if N/A beer makes your breath smell the same or different than real beer? Should I ask him about it, or just continue to wait and see?