Hello Debz, Welcome to SR!
He may be completely charming when he is not drinking, but it doesn't sound like it. And the problem is, you can't get rid of the mean person he becomes when he's drunk and just have the parts of him you like.........because, well, he sounds like he's an alcoholic. At least he is not taking his meds and drinking, although I believe his doctors would want for him to take the meds and not drink.
Can you accept the bad with the good? He sounds abusive imho. I'm sorry that you seem to feel this is what you deserve, because I believe you deserve so much better treatment!
I hope you will keep reading the threads and learn all you can about alcoholism. We are here 24/7!