CanfixONLYme

Hi Hydrogirl and thanks all for posting your comments and thoughts. It really has helped me (especially over this past week).

All was 'quiet' on the homefront until today (almost 1 week since he came knocking on my door)...

My AH (whom I cannot wait to be divorced from now), called and left a message for me this morning thanking me for calling the police on his behalf last week... that he now is on his medication properly and is thinking a little more clearly. (HA!). With his next breath, he then proceeded to tell me that he feels that once I sell the motorcycle, he feels that the FAIR thing is to give him half of the proceeds. Not the money of course, he can't handle that at this time, but rather go with him to buy a second hand vehicle for $2K and help him buy some work stuff (tools, clothes etc) and also ensure that he puts the rest of the money towards getting his own place.

I was gobsmacked... I didn't think that he could be this ********. Sorry for using that word, and I don't mean to insult people who are mentally challenged either. My AH is insane... literally! After all this crap that happened JUST 8 days ago, he's acting like NOTHING has really happened and that he DESERVES MORE $$$ AND for me to HELP HIM WITH IT!?!?!

Feck me... I ignored the call. Smack me upside the head now I know I should have ignored it entirely. BUT I didn't. I left it for about 8 hours and then called the psych-unit where he's at and told him to basically forget it... that I was taking my time selling the bike, that even if I did sell it I prob. wasn't going to give him any $$ from it.

Yeah, he was ticked... tried to emotionally blackmail me by saying I was dishonoring our separation agreement - yada yada yada... and that he signed over the bike under 'duress'... HA! Yeah, "duress" of wanting to do drugs!! - I had given him $500 (as he said this was for him tide him over while he was up North working waiting for his first paycheque) - all lies... and that signing over the bike, he 'promised' there wasn't any strings attached. I've got all the text messages etc., and my older brother was there in person to witness everything that my AH did, so I'm not worried about it...

I'm just shaking my head at the audacity of him... the audacity of what addiction does to people and how low they will go to try to get their own way. I'm not a person in his eyes... just a means to and end (to get his fix).

AH ended up hanging the phone on my ear and then called back 5 min later to say that he was now going to have an audit done on me for estate work I did for his late aunt... that he's going to tell her relatives to investigate my actions etc. It's too long of a story to get into, but the gist of it is that we both were Executor(s) of the Estate and I had to work my ass of to get him taken off. He was so irresponsible that if he had been kept on, he would have prob. stolen all the $$ from the estate accounts... it was THAT bad. As it is, I did the best I could... and have worried myself sick since then about it. It's only been recently where I have accepted I did my best under the circumstances but my a**hole of an AH decides to play his 'trump card' to get me to freak out and sweat and be intimidated to give him what he wants?!

Screw him! Even if I did "give" him half of the $ from the motorbike, it'll just go up his nose, in his arm etc., anyway and then, that won't even be enough... he'll keep coming back and making more threats and trying to blackmail me with other crap.

I think someone posted here they were concerned over my emotions etc. about my AH... that maybe detaching with anger may not be the healthiest thing for me... I have to agree, but at the same time, it's almost impossible for me to detach with 'love'... Even though I know my AH is ill... very very ill in his addiction, it does not give him (or anyone else) the right to use and abuse others. There are always consequences to our actions and well, I'm trying to let him (and myself) know that I will not bend over anymore...

...that he can take his manipulations, lies, internal conflicts, addictions, selfish behaviour and find his own way to health or death. I know now there's absolutely NOTHING I can say or do that would make him happy. If I gave him $ it would be me not being there for him emotionally/physically. If I were to give him these things, he'd then find some 'excuse' of why these weren't enough...

... it's just never enough for him (them)... but it's MORE than enough for me and has been for a long time.

I'm now going to IGNORE all phone calls etc., from him and in fact, this coming Monday I will be looking into changing my #... actually, I'm going to look into it now.

Please, everyone... take care of YOU first and foremost!!! -- I'm FINALLY getting it... really. I'm exhausted and want to just sleep for the next few decades but am slowly getting myself back on track and realizing that this kind of interaction with someone so in the depths and throes of addiction is harmful and potentially deadly for my health (physically and mentally). And honestly, most of that I'm allowing to happen to myself for continuing this stupid 'dance' with AH.

I hate fecking addiction I hate it so much... sigh.

Here's to a blessed night of peace for everyone.

Hugs to all.