wpainterw

That's my problem (or is it a safeguard?) too! So many memories, so many regrets, so many bumps in the road, so many near disasters. It's like living on the other side of a nightmare. But I guess in the early years of recovery, there was something inside of me that wanted to cover it all up, minimize the situation, say "well maybe I just had a little too much to drink. If I go easy I can handle it." Some of the folks say, "Hey! Listen to that voice and ask where it's coming from and what it wants. Chances are it's coming from a very primitive part of the brain that wants to drag you back into addiction, that wants what ever sobriety has taken away. So it says, "You deserve just one! You can quit after that!" And the whole thing is a lie, and if you fall for it you may hear that thing chuckling in the background since you've been set up once more as a sucker. One night I woke up and I swear I saw that thing sitting in the corner laughing at me. And I panicked when I saw that it knew me all too well and was out to get my very soul. I have never felt such fear and shall never forget whatever it was.
So if the memories keep you sober, that's better than the other. Anything's better than slipping back into the nightmare...

W.