The Insane Train
Well for whatever crazy Codie reason I bought a ticket on the Insane Train yet again. My RXAB was my best friend, the Man I thought I was going to marry...I held onto that dream instead of dealing with the truth as the truth really freakin hurts.
Despite all if the unacceptable behavior he has showed me since he stopped drinking (7 months sober and according to him has done all 12 steps with Spensor) I STILL didn't want to believe the truth. He just does care and all that matters is what feels good to him at the time.
If he doesn't have me he's obsessed with trying to get me back. Once he thinks he has me back ALLof those unacceptable behaviors comes out to play.
He talks to everyone about how much he loves me; tells me I'm the live of his life and he's lists all of his toxic behaviors and apologizes. BUT there is little to no follow through with actions.
Why in the hell did he move across the country to be with me only to not do the work. I'm committed to doing mine but he still wants to do things his way even though he admits that way doesn't work and is insane to think it does.
I'm looking for validation that I'm doing the right thing to walk away from this man I love so much who is in recovery. My heart is torn. I'm starting to think I'm the insane one which I know is probably something he wants me to believe.
I pray for my recovery, serenity, and self love.