I would like to add that I know you have tremendous stress w/ your son. I can't even begin to imagine the stress you feel. It's a mothers worst nightmare.
Yet I know I am much better able to handle my problems sober. Drinking only compounds them.
I felt I deserved an escape from my emotional trauma I endured as a child but running away doesn't make them go away.
Facing our problems head on, sober is a much better way to deal.
You & your son deserve you to be fully present.
Much love to you both