Laurie, I have that poem tucked in to my Bible and read it regularly. I think what bothers me the most is that I am extremely dependent on him financially. Before my son was born I was a stock broker and before I met AH I was living alone and supporting myself. I never moved back home once I turned 18 and pretty much figured life out on my own.
Fast forward all these years and I have been homeschooling our 13 year old since kindergarten. I love it! Unfortunately, my job skills aren't up to par and I need to start thinking about how I can provide for myself if things with AH go down the toilet. I think that's also part of my fear; how many variables can change if our marriage doesn't survive his insanity. And, honestly, at this point he is as normal as I've ever seen him despite the NA beer drinking and the possible circumvention of his breathalyzer. He acts like my 13 year old quite frequently, though, and it's a bit irritating but if that's my biggest issue then I guess I have to be grateful.
And, here's a good one for you, too: Shortly after AH's DUI he told me that he never wants me to enter the workforce again. He said that I would probably meet someone and that I'd fall in love and that I'd leave him. Wow! Talk about insecure. I've stayed this long, you'd think that would give him some confidence. It's like he's already priming me to NOT go out into the work world. He knows that men hit on me regularly. He saw a Greek host at a restaurant pay extra special attention to me, while on his(ah's) work trip vacation to St Kitts/Nevis. All the ladies in our group made comments afterwards about how this 20 something young guy was obviously all over me and my AH just sat there and laughed. Afterwards he made all kinds of sarcastic comments about my Greek boyfriend, UGH!