dvd and tjp, thank you both so much for your support.
dvd, you have not upset me, thank you for giving me a reality check. Sometimes I do drink to excess. I am 25 and didn't really party before I met her so I guess I felt I should make up for it now. Actually she is my first relationship so sometimes I do not know what is "normal" in terms of arguing and fighting with your partner.
Occasionally a friend and I will go for a beer or 2 on a Friday after work. Sometimes I would go out and get drunk (once every 2 months or so). My own drinking that I was talking about was before I realized she had a problem. But now that I am aware that she has a problem with drinking, you are right, I might need to stop drinking forever. I was planning to not drink for 1 month to see if she would/could do it too, but maybe a permanent "no more drinking" policy would be better. What is your experience on this?
I like your phrase “Well, WE don’t drink anymore.” I wish we could face this problem in such a mature way together without her hating me along the way. If she just said "help me" I would be there for her in a second.
I am worried so I called our local drug and alcohol helpline and will help her go in for an assessment.
tjp, thank you for your support. To be honest, if she stayed the same (heavy drinking through most weekends) or got worse, I could not live the rest of my life with her because I could not let my future children have a mother who was like this. From reading this site and others, it looks like I am being an enabler if she continues drinking to excess and I stay in a relationship with her. I love her too much to do that to her. Thank you for the book references as well.
Thank you both for your support and ideas, it means a lot.