Support, advice needed
Hi SR forums,
My first post here. I need help and advice.
I "woke up" to the fact that my girlfriend has a drinking problem this week, but the signs have all been there and getting worse for at least a year or two now. I have done a lot of reading on this forum and others over the last week to try and educate myself about this disease.
Going from a list I found about "first signs of alcoholism", she:
*Drinks alone, or when drinking with others drinks much more than anyone else.
*She has described to me that she drinks to feel "tingly" or happy in some way. She sometimes drinks alone then dances by herself in her room.
*She drinks more than anyone else I know, and even though she is quite small she can out-drink me (I'm male and 20kg bigger).
*She will drink 10+ glasses of wine/champagne (I lost count after that) and still be quite functional and chatty.
*Every occasion is an excuse to drink
*Every weekend is an excuse to drink. Her weekend is Sunday/Monday off work but she will join us for after work drinks on Friday (then we end up drinking a lot...)
*After drinking similar to us on a night out will be quite happy and go to work the next day while I am nauseous with a terrible hangover the next day.
*Is verbally abusive to me when I bring up her drinking habits, tells me I caused it, down-plays it, is defensive, threatens to break up with me...
*Generally gets verbally abusive to me when she is drinking and denies it the next day, even when her relatives told her that as well. I am always "walking on egg shells" on a night where we are going out partying because I know she will start getting angry and "bitc*y" to me as the night rolls on.
I have started by telling her "I cannot be in a relationship with someone with a drinking problem". I do not want to be an enabler, although in hindsight I have been enabling, by putting up with her abuse and pleading/nagging her to cut back on the drinking, rather than taking action (leaving the relationship).
The last time she drunk was Sunday the 1st of April. I have told her it is up to her whether she wants to quit or not. I dearly hope she can somehow stop drinking cold turkey and everything can go back to normal but I feel violated by this and feel like I cannot trust her.
Anyway, long post, I am looking for support, advice, I read somewhere that "Stage 1" alcoholism (which I think this is?) can be turned around provided the partner takes the correct action. What steps should I take? Separation?
Making matters worse, we have been living together, with other flatmates, for I think over 3 years so all my savings over that time would be up for grabs (and her debt incurred prior to our relationship), because we might be in a de-facto relationship.
Peace.