UGH, lawyers!
I need to vent. My AH is going to court finally for his DUI, the date is April 20th. We live in AZ and he will most likely do jail time, possibly with work release. He will also get an ignition interlock device.
I have been an emotional wreck for the past year of our marriage. He was extremely depressed last year and I had finally gotten to the point of being drug down to his level and was feeling hopeless about our marriage. He finally hit his bottom when it comes to the depression and got help, getting put on 2 anti-depressants. He was already drinking as self-medication but it wasn't out of control. Once the anti-depressants started he got out of control with the alcohol and would have dangerous binges. So, I'm sitting here getting over my anger and resentment regarding the DUI and the drinking and then he throws out the fact that the lawyer is giving him all kinds of 'suggestions' as to how to get around the interlock device(IID). All I have to say is; UGH!!!
His lawyer said he can just buy a beater car and put the IID in there, but that would mean that he would be driving his car without the IID. If his parole officer finds out or if he gets pulled over for ANYTHING, he could risk having his license revoked, having more time added to the IID, and possibly going back to jail. So, why would his lawyer make it sound like this is a viable option? And, why does he think I'd be OK with it? I will not support him circumventing the law! You'd think the lawyers would be honest to some degree. My AH also works in CA about once a month and needs to rent a car. The car rental company has his license on file so his lawyer told him he should be fine renting a car even with the IID restriction. Again, seriously? He was pulled over a few years ago in San Diego for not wearing a seat belt, don't we all think that something like that could happen again? One simple moving violation or even a minor fender bender(not even one he causes) can send him to more penalties, etc. This whole thing is driving me crazy.
He also made the point that I am will be married to an ex-con. He just has to be the victim and try to get me to think like he does. I hadn't even given that a thought but the way he says it, it sounds like I'm married to Manson. We've been trying to have conversations about our marriage but it just seems like we both walk on eggshells around each other. He said that he is trying sooooooo hard to change his personality so that he doesn't offend me with his sarcasm and cynicism, and I told him I'll work on being less sensitive to his remarks, comments, etc. I am still sitting on the fence about going to marriage counseling because this DUI thing is really dragging me down and it may not be very productive. He also said that if we went to counseling that I should be prepared to hear things that I don't want to hear? HUH? UGH, I just feel like I'm married to the master manipulator but I see glimmers of hope and he professes his commitment to our family and to remaining sober so for now, I will continue to work on me and work on our relationship.