Yez- I hear what you are saying. The chaos, the hurt, the pain, the worrying, I get it all. It can be a burden that is so tough to bear. Just know that whoever your God is knows that you have the strength to get through this.
It is hard, especially when you have kids that depend on you. Keep strong for them - they will know who their rock is. Also know you are setting a good example for how we deserve to be loved.
Hugs to you....as for me...I sleep with a fan on - the white noise does wonders.
Hugs.