Baily:
For some reason, I keep going back to this post and everytime i read it, it makes me cry. I think becuase that story is so close to mine and I am holding it near and dear to my heart. My exbf had THE BIGGEST and KINDEST heart EVER! He was sweet and kind and always wanted to do what made me happy, even when he was high prescriptions. It was just that he was always checked out at times and I felt he was not all there. I never really felt like I had him 100% completly, always felt alone when he decided to take to much. He would cry and say how sorry he was and tell me he would change, HE WOULD. But only for a little while, so I kept taking him back over and over again becuase he loved me so much and I loved him. I almost wish i times he was REALLY MEAN to me or HATED ME becuase it would of made it easier to leave. I almost feel in a way that we want to trust them, so we dont have to suffer.
He then finally left me becuase, i just couldnt bring myself to trust him anymore after all the relapses and found another women to cherish and love to enable him. He told me it was all my fault becuase I couldnt let go of the past even though I WANTED TO SO BAD. I got to the end before he made the choice to leave that, you have to weigh the good with the bad. I relized that if i gave him another chance, I would have to be kicked out of my house, be homeless with no job, lving out of my car with my dog, going back to a man who I just found out did coke on new years and meth a few times after he got out of rehab and is back to drinking. BLAH.
Yeah, you can now see why i was dragging my feet. Even though i knew all of that, I WAS STILL thinking of going back becuase i loved him. lol This is how sick our desise is, as the enabler and co-dependent can be. We NEED them to change for us. I to have a dog with my ex and he tried to tell me i was an evil bitch for not allowing him to see him, they will do anything to blame everyone else but themseves. I HATE HATE HATE my ex and I hate hate hate what I have alloweed myself to belive and choose not to belive