Hi, Niki, wow, that is so scary. Believe me, I went some tough stuff with my daughter when she was a baby, so I know exactly the feelings you're going through. But right now getting high is the last thing you want to do. It will only make the fear and pain so much worse. Sobriety can be a source of strength and determination, and that's what you need most right now.
Big hugs. You do not know what the future will bring. Take it one step at a time, OK? Breathe in, breathe out, and remember to hold onto your sobriety with both hands, because it's one of the few things in life that's entirely within your control. Try and get some rest—please post tomorrow. You're not alone, OK?