I told my mom about me and X's conversation from yesterday. She said it is sad because thats the person he is deep inside. He is a good person with a good heart. He wants to be happy, he's sorry he treated you badly, and of course he wants a happy future with you. But he has an addiction, and that addiction is stronger. The addiction controls him, and it will always win.
She said get off the rollercoaster, and shoot the rollercoaster operator so I can never get back on!