I, too, jumped out of my relationship and right into dating again and partly because I heard my XAH was out there dating and having a good time! Somehow knowing that bothered me to the core of my being because I was thinking "why should I sit here and not go out with anyone and he's out there living it up and it's him that's the alcoholic and has all the problems yet ppl find him dateable?" All these crazy thoughts about the whole situation made me feel like "I" should be the one moving on and discovering happiness with someone again but I was so NOT READY! I was and I am still in the very early stages of recovery myself and it is also hard for me to even imagine moving on and being with another person. I'm still hurt, confused, angry, many trust issues, and it will be a long time before I'm ready for that step. I've got to find "myself" again and reconnect. I have also tried the bar scene with my friends and that was never good either...I do love to go dancing but I would rather dance in my living room than to have a bunch of "drunks" slurringly hit on me and try to take me home. Ha! Been there, done that and never going back! (Sad part is I didn't even meet my A at a bar)
I still lose focus of my goal, I still miss my fantasy of him, I still remember the good times (although they are few and far in between), I still get the urge to just hear his voice sometimes and know that he is ok, I still miss waking up beside him, I still miss my best friend, but what I don't miss outweighs what I do miss far more and that's what keeps me fighting and moving forward. I have several of these sticky's posted around so when I get to feeling like I'm going to break down and have some sort of contact with him...I go look in the mirror, read the sticky, and tell myself "YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN HIM"