confused
Me and XABF broke up a couple weeks ago. Been going strong with the no contact, and while I've been a little sad, for the most part I am doing great.
He came over yesterday, to pick up the rest of his stuff and give me his cell phone back (we were on a family plan and I canceled his line). He also gave me a good amount to cash, to cover bills and rent. Everything was civil, we worked out our bills and so far he has come through with giving me money to handle everything.
We took our dogs on a long walk and sat by my lake and talked for a while. He apologized for everything, and admitted he had screwed up. He said he was depressed for weeks, crying and couldn't get out of bed. He said he is trying to make himself a better man. He found a new place to live, opened a bank account, and is getting a new cell phone account soon. He said he has been trying to work on himself, and, wonders if there is a future between us.
I said it is great that he is trying to work on himself, because I was trying to work on me. I realized that we were both terribly unhappy with ourselves, and this unhappiness overcame our relationship. I started a new position at my job, which is better hours and better pay. I have been exercising and taking care of my physical and mental health. He wonders if we can take things slow, and rebuild our relationship. I wonder the same.
In the mean time, I'm not focusing on him. Maybe one day things will work out between us because of course I still love him. His alcoholism still scares me, and while he apologized for drinking too much and it causing problems, he did not mention that he was going to quit or try to work a program, just that he's stopped "drinking like that".
He wants to take our dogs on visits to his new house, and he as a fenced in back yard. This would help me hugely because two days a week, I have work and school and I'm not home from 8:30am-10:30pm. But I don't know if I can trust him with them. And of course, when he's sober he's great, when he's drinking he's not. Its like a roll of the dice of which man I'm gonna get.
So, I don't know what to do. If I should bother trying to rebuild a relationship slowly. And if I don't want a relationship, if I should let him be a part of me and the dogs life, allowing him to take them on "visits". I mean, they are dogs.. not children, he doesn't really HAVE to see them, you know?
So that's where I am. My mom says "sounds like you're back on the rollercoaster!" Any advice here??