It is so very human to want to return to our comfort zone. Even when the comfort zone is not healthy, it is all we know.
Looking at everything you learned and experienced this weekend, I think you did remarkably well. You now know you are not ready to date, you know you are not into the bar scene. Two things you can scratch off your list. Now you have time to focus on something more near and dear to your heart.
Take this time to experience something new. Reconnect with friends and family. Have some friends over, visit museums, do anything to absorb your mind. It truly will get easier. Give yourself permission to go forward. It is what it is, Embrace your today, you will never get this day back.
Shortly after XA and I ended our journey together, I attended a fundraiser at a cancer hospital, seeing all those seriously ill people fighting for their survival, made me realize what I was going through was peanuts compared to what they were enduring. It gave me a new perspective. They did not have a choice, i did.
It's the same for you today, choose to go forward with an open heart, accept that his role, in your life, is now completed. Someday, something will happen, and then all this will make more sense.
Be good to yourself, believe in yourself, and know you are not alone!!