It is very hard. My xab of two years has just quit rehab again. It will never end and it is hurtful. I have been reading co dependency books and attending meetings. There are so many mixed emotions and you have to realize you are in the detox stage. Take one day at a time. You are whats important now. The last letter I wrote to him in detox I thanked him for making me a stronger person and introducing me to Alanon. There is no closure with this disease you just have to pick up and move on. Don't look at it as wasted time look at it as a growing time in your life.