Dear SR community:
I have been getting through my process of ending my relationship with my EXBF 3 months ago...I have been giving adivice to many other women about my progress and how i did it. Well this weekend i felt myself slip back into depression and I cant get out! I was like one blow after another and now I feel I am back to square one with my depression.
Friday night I "tried" to go on a date ( do not recommend this after 6 year relationship and only out for 3 months and still griving) I cried before he picked me up and cried after the date. It just made me miss my ex and how much I loved him and could be myself around him. Then saterday night, my friends took me out and this made me even more depressed, here i was at 29 at a bar when i just keep thinking, i wish i was married with kids and dont want to be part of this sceane anymore. I cried till i feel asleep that night. Then sunday, i went looking for apartments with a new roommate i have only meet once and made me feel REALLY REALLY REALLY alone and i had a panic attack cuz i am starting over and I just want him back.
I know i cant be with him, he is no good for me. But, i cant help but feel sooooo depressed. I am so not where i want to be in life, I feel so alone and I am getting angry at God for not giving me the desires of my heart even though i know, I am the one that has to pull myself out. I know this is gonna take time, I am still crying but I feel soooooooooooooo alone and cant see the light except years down the road and I feel i dont have the strenth to get to that point in time. Please help me cope with all of this.
Between the move, the lonliness, me knowing he is with somone else and the fear of the unknown..is keeping me in a personal hell and I WANT OUT.
