To my mind, the only honesty that is absolutely required in order for a person to quit drinking comes in the form of acknowledging that drinking is not an option, ever, under any circumstances.
I have never met a person who has conquered an addiction who has not been honest about this. Regardless of program or lack thereof.
What the AA big book says, though, is not that an individual needs to be honest about drinking: it speaks of "grasping and developing a manner of living"....i.e. the AA way of living. Which as we all know, is not about drinking: it is about having a spiritual awakening.
So in essence what is being said is that those who do not recover are those who can't accept AA. Certainly, that was how that passage was interpreted at the many AA meetings I attended during the first several years after I quit drinking, and it was why my speedy relapse and demise was predicted by AA members when I decided to leave. Because, to their way of thinking, the only way a person could possibly recover was through AA.
As to the resentment that is evident among us who have been exposed to AA and found it not to our liking....I can't speak for others, but for myself I can say that it is not AA itself, or its existence, or even its teachings, that are problematic for me. Frankly, there are all sorts of groups and belief systems in this world that I don't care for or agree with....but no one with authority over me has ever told me that I must join those groups. That was not the case with AA. My experience with that group was that when I presented for treatment at a hospital based treatment center, my counselor's sole credential was that he was an AA member and he told me that I must go to AA.
I've heard tons of folks argue that AA does not ask for this to happen: that it simply "cooperates" with the professional community. But I know this is not true, because again, during my days in AA I was a member of the "CPC" ("Cooperation with the Professional Community") group and we went around to professional offices handing out literature and generally promoting AA.
So my problem is not the existence of AA. Not in the least. It is with the fact that the group has so taken over the discourse about addiction recovery that those who don't find the program helpful are referred to as "those unfortunates", and told they are hopeless. And when people complain, they are called "resentful" and discredited.
The reality is that AA is a legitimate option. For SOME people. But if there is a table set with options for addiction recovery approaches, 12 step programs deserve ONE seat at that table, not all the seats.
When that changes, I will shut up. Until then....well, I'll continue to express my displeasure.