Hey Hardy...
Can you call a doctor and ask to be seen immediately - if you know you are this ill - it's probably urgent and warrants seeing one, or going into emergency for a while... Try not to think about your family's thoughts right now, they would rather you be alive and well (and you can BE WELL) than not here at all.
Let us know if you can see the doc today?
We're here for you, I'm sure Dee and Annie will be here soon with some nuggets of wisdom - but I'm here if you need a chat now - one 'crazy girl' to another...
XXX