hardy

So I'm just going to be honest because I need to be and am so desperate for help. I can't quit. I want to but I do not have the ability. I need inpatient treatment. I know this. I don't know how to get this. I also have severe depression which came before my drug use. My depression is so bad right now that all I do is think about suicide. I'm at the point where nothing matters. I know drug use has made my depression worse but honestly its the only thing that makes me feel better for a minute. I can't get better through meetings and counseling. I'm too sick. I need to be somewhere that can help me. I just know I can't get the treatment I need. I am getting closer to doing something drastic to force the issue or end the pain. I don't want to be that crazy girl that tried killing herself but I already have been that girl so I don't know. I don't want to be put on 72 hour hold but I need to be. The it thing that prevents me from just getting help is the fear of what my family will do. I know I should do what's best for me but we all know life isn't that simple. I really give up. I'm ready for it to be over.